Destry and had a sit down talk about the next faze in our fertility journey. Destry has always supported me in any decision I make. While I have been trying to figure out the right path for me, I have known in my heart that Destry is really uncomfortable going down this financial path right now. The fact that he would risk it for me, means the world.
It is not my decision alone and I would not make a decisions this huge if we were not both 100% on board. I have spent my years learning to listen to my heart and not let my head rule my decisions. I have spent this time trying to figure out where this voice inside me was coming from and what it was telling me.
My heart tells me that the months of test and drugs involved in fertility treatments might not be for me. I do not feel excited about this and I do not feel hopeful about IVF. I know you have to believe in your treatment for it to work. When I imagine going through IFV I feel like a walking zombie. (scared)
My head tells me that pregnancy is a cure for endometriosis. My Dr. told me that if I am not pregnant I need to go on Lupron anyway. My head tells me IVF can be less expensive than adoption.
When I got advice from an adoption lawyer she said a lot of couples adopt by using donor egg and donor semen, then carry the baby themselves. It is more popular now and you get the experience of pregnancy. My head tells me that if I have good eggs and my husband has awesome semen then I should just do IVF.
I imagine how I would feel if money was no option. The reality is, IVF for us would have to be financed with my credit cards. We can not afford any more payment at this time. We are on a strict debt reduction plan and will be out of debt in the next 2-3 years. Our fertility can not wait. Going through this process would put a strain on our budget and our relationship. Thinking forward we have to consider the cost of a baby including day care. I have to work. The uncertainty surrounding my job has us a bit worried too. My position has been cut and as of July 1, I will not have a job at the Bureau any more. I am counting on being transferred to another location. We just don't know what is going to happen yet.
If money were not an option.....If I had the freedom to focus on treatments and resting and getting better. If I did not have to worry about how I was going to make payments or start selling item on E-Bay just to make the payment. I would feel more positive and excited about IVF. The statistics state that IVF usually takes more than one try for it to work. I just can not get excited about devastating our financial future for a maybe baby.
I had a little twinge of excitement when reading about another fertility bloggers excitement waiting for their adopted baby to come to them. That is when I new what my heart was saying. I new this is the way I should feel about our baby coming. Is adoption right for us. I am not sure. (I think we may be getting to old to adopt.)
Destry is my gift. We will have a beautiful life together with or with out our baby. We stood in the living room and just hugged and cried for a long time. We are going to wait to see what happens with my job before we make any tough decisions. I should know by the end of April. It is when I look at this picture that my heart screams. "I want it all!"
My niece Olivia
It is not my decision alone and I would not make a decisions this huge if we were not both 100% on board. I have spent my years learning to listen to my heart and not let my head rule my decisions. I have spent this time trying to figure out where this voice inside me was coming from and what it was telling me.
My heart tells me that the months of test and drugs involved in fertility treatments might not be for me. I do not feel excited about this and I do not feel hopeful about IVF. I know you have to believe in your treatment for it to work. When I imagine going through IFV I feel like a walking zombie. (scared)
My head tells me that pregnancy is a cure for endometriosis. My Dr. told me that if I am not pregnant I need to go on Lupron anyway. My head tells me IVF can be less expensive than adoption.
When I got advice from an adoption lawyer she said a lot of couples adopt by using donor egg and donor semen, then carry the baby themselves. It is more popular now and you get the experience of pregnancy. My head tells me that if I have good eggs and my husband has awesome semen then I should just do IVF.
I imagine how I would feel if money was no option. The reality is, IVF for us would have to be financed with my credit cards. We can not afford any more payment at this time. We are on a strict debt reduction plan and will be out of debt in the next 2-3 years. Our fertility can not wait. Going through this process would put a strain on our budget and our relationship. Thinking forward we have to consider the cost of a baby including day care. I have to work. The uncertainty surrounding my job has us a bit worried too. My position has been cut and as of July 1, I will not have a job at the Bureau any more. I am counting on being transferred to another location. We just don't know what is going to happen yet.
If money were not an option.....If I had the freedom to focus on treatments and resting and getting better. If I did not have to worry about how I was going to make payments or start selling item on E-Bay just to make the payment. I would feel more positive and excited about IVF. The statistics state that IVF usually takes more than one try for it to work. I just can not get excited about devastating our financial future for a maybe baby.
I had a little twinge of excitement when reading about another fertility bloggers excitement waiting for their adopted baby to come to them. That is when I new what my heart was saying. I new this is the way I should feel about our baby coming. Is adoption right for us. I am not sure. (I think we may be getting to old to adopt.)
Destry is my gift. We will have a beautiful life together with or with out our baby. We stood in the living room and just hugged and cried for a long time. We are going to wait to see what happens with my job before we make any tough decisions. I should know by the end of April. It is when I look at this picture that my heart screams. "I want it all!"
My niece Olivia
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