Destry and I boarded a plane Wednesday morning with great excitement. We were off to California to meet baby Isla for the first time. I could not wait to get my hands on my new little nice. I was not disappointed, she is the tiniest, most beautiful and perfect little baby girl.
Imagine my surprise when I got the call from the genetic counselor on Thursday announcing that my CVS test results had come back already. That was exactly one week from the original test. They had told me it would take two to three weeks for the results to come back. I never imagined they would come back so soon and I new that was not a good sign. I locked myself in a room as the genetic counselor told me my results came back positive for Turner's Syndrome. She was trying to tell me what Turner's Syndrome was and that with a Cystic Hygroma these babies often don't make it to term. When I said to her, so that means I am having a girl? Of course I am having a girl. I know that. I just really wanted someone to tell me I was having a baby girl, not that I has having Turner's. She mentioned I had time to decided what I wanted to do and scheduled a follow up ultrasound appointment for me.
I shared the news with Destry. He had followed me in the room and was holding my hand the whole time. We cried and hugged and we new this meant more waiting and hoping. Then we had to walk out of the room with tears in our eyes and share the news with our waiting family. They were all sitting there waiting with nervous looks on their faces because I am sure they could hear me crying. I hate that I received this news when we were all together to greet little Isla into this world. I so did not want to take any attention away from this wonderful time with such confusing and uncertain news. I hate that everybody feels so bad about all of this. My hope is that with a little time our hearts will heal and we can all look forward with love, joy and excitement. I can just see it on everyone's face... the sorrow. That is why we have chosen not to tell our acquaintances at work. I really need the people around me to be so excited and happy for us and our baby. I have to work so hard to be strong I just can't be strong for everyone.
I cried all night and then all morning. Any surge of emotion that included tears triggers morning sickness and I really had not felt so sick my whole pregnancy. I carried a plastic bag with me all day because if I was going to throw up for the first time that was going to be that day. Then Dr. Leigh called. Said her heart was broken after all we had been through. Asked if we decided what we were going to do. When I told her at this point we were going to let nature take it's course she said that studies have shown that delayed decision making has been a good thing. I realize that we are really on our own when it comes to supporting this pregnancy. We are going to be seeking support from like minded people and professionals. I don't want to have to keep explaining that we really want this baby.
I don't know why this is happening to us. I am not a very religious person. Allowing my faith to guide me and giving this journey to god has been a relief to my spirit. I would be miserable if I spent my time trying to figure this out. Because there is not solid answers to this. I do know that this is God's baby and he has given us the honor of taking care of it. We are going to love and care for this baby girl for as long as god allows us. That night Destry and I gave our baby girl her name. We are excited to share some happy news.
Imagine my surprise when I got the call from the genetic counselor on Thursday announcing that my CVS test results had come back already. That was exactly one week from the original test. They had told me it would take two to three weeks for the results to come back. I never imagined they would come back so soon and I new that was not a good sign. I locked myself in a room as the genetic counselor told me my results came back positive for Turner's Syndrome. She was trying to tell me what Turner's Syndrome was and that with a Cystic Hygroma these babies often don't make it to term. When I said to her, so that means I am having a girl? Of course I am having a girl. I know that. I just really wanted someone to tell me I was having a baby girl, not that I has having Turner's. She mentioned I had time to decided what I wanted to do and scheduled a follow up ultrasound appointment for me.
I shared the news with Destry. He had followed me in the room and was holding my hand the whole time. We cried and hugged and we new this meant more waiting and hoping. Then we had to walk out of the room with tears in our eyes and share the news with our waiting family. They were all sitting there waiting with nervous looks on their faces because I am sure they could hear me crying. I hate that I received this news when we were all together to greet little Isla into this world. I so did not want to take any attention away from this wonderful time with such confusing and uncertain news. I hate that everybody feels so bad about all of this. My hope is that with a little time our hearts will heal and we can all look forward with love, joy and excitement. I can just see it on everyone's face... the sorrow. That is why we have chosen not to tell our acquaintances at work. I really need the people around me to be so excited and happy for us and our baby. I have to work so hard to be strong I just can't be strong for everyone.
I cried all night and then all morning. Any surge of emotion that included tears triggers morning sickness and I really had not felt so sick my whole pregnancy. I carried a plastic bag with me all day because if I was going to throw up for the first time that was going to be that day. Then Dr. Leigh called. Said her heart was broken after all we had been through. Asked if we decided what we were going to do. When I told her at this point we were going to let nature take it's course she said that studies have shown that delayed decision making has been a good thing. I realize that we are really on our own when it comes to supporting this pregnancy. We are going to be seeking support from like minded people and professionals. I don't want to have to keep explaining that we really want this baby.
I don't know why this is happening to us. I am not a very religious person. Allowing my faith to guide me and giving this journey to god has been a relief to my spirit. I would be miserable if I spent my time trying to figure this out. Because there is not solid answers to this. I do know that this is God's baby and he has given us the honor of taking care of it. We are going to love and care for this baby girl for as long as god allows us. That night Destry and I gave our baby girl her name. We are excited to share some happy news.
We love you,
Gemma Hope
You will always be our little jewel, we have all the hope in the world for you.
I am thinking good thoughts for you, limoncello, and for your husband and for little Gemma Hope. I support you and your desire for YOUR child, in whatever package she arrives in. She is already perfect just as she is.
ReplyDeleteYou express yourself and your emotions so well, it's really beautiful and moving. Thinking about your baby girl today.
ReplyDelete