We Need All Your Prayers

Baby 12 weeks 1 day

Destry and I went to our genetic ultrasound appointment with great anticipation. He was very confident and I was very nervous. We were called back right away, the technician got us all situated. We watched the screen with great excitement as we watched our little baby appear on the screen. There it was, the baby was moving it's little arms and kicking it's little legs then arching it's little back. It was so animated Destry could not believe that I could not feel it. It was very surreal. It is hard to believe your pregnant when you can not see or feel anything. Yet, there it was our little active baby, looking so wonderful and perfect to us.

The technician said very little to us. She was patient as she waited for the baby to get in just the right position to measure the skin on the back of the neck. She mentioned the baby had a nasal bone and that was good. After a time she left us to wait for the Dr. to come and talk to us with this little picture on the screen. I just stared at it the whole time I waited. There was the little measurement line still on the screen. It measured from the little crease in the babies neck straight down to the bottom of the placenta. I did not understand what that meant. I wondered why the measure the blank space. I did not ask why.

The Dr. came in and explained that my blood test had come back and showed no elevated risk for abnormalities. I said great but what did the ultrasound show. She explained that they measure the skin on the back of the neck. An above average measurement indicates a Cystic Hygroma. A Cystic Hygroma is an indicator for chromosomal abnormalities. Then she said my baby has that. I don't remember the exact measurement but instead of the skin being a few mm thick the measurement was almost an inch thick. You can clearly see in the picture the black space under the babies neck is a large cyst. In fact if you look you can see it in the previous ultrasound picture also.

The Dr. offered us a CVS test the same day. I was in such shock and trying so hard not to break down and cry that I passed on the test. I thought at the time that I would do an amnio test if I felt like that was the right thing to do in the future. The genetic counselor was busy with another patient so I took her number in case I wanted to talk to her later. We left and hugged and cried in the hallway then we went to eat some lunch. We went through all the normal feelings that you go through when you experience a trauma. 

When I let go of conventional fertility treatments I made a promise to myself and to God that I would have faith in his plan for me. That I would not try and play god anymore. That I would be the best me and the best wife I could be with or without children. Even though I do not understand why this is happening to us now after all we have been though. I do know that I don't have to understand. I just have to believe that this is the path we are meant to be on and have faith that good will come from this.

If god can give us one miracle he can give us two.