Sharing the Joy

We decided to share the news with our family members at seven weeks. It happens to be Fathers Day so it was a fun way to share the news. I am cautious to share so early in the pregnancy. This is such miraculous news and such a joyful time we can't keep it to ourselves. If the unavoidable happens I know I would tell family anyway. I just can't imagine telling them heartbreaking news with out having shared the joyful news first. So we took the risk. Through the tears and cheers we know everyone is over the moon for us.

I feel like an impostor. I was telling Destry I feel like I big fat liar. I feel like I am telling people I am pregnant just for the attention and it is just a matter of time until they find it is not true. I keep having to convince myself that it is true. I have this little affirmation I do daily. I remind myself I have not had my cycle. Then I tell myself that means I am really pregnant. It is very silly but I seem to need to to be able to prove it to myself everyday. I am pregnant and I am still pregnant. I feel like I should take a test everyday just to make sure.

It is an unreal feeling going from infertility lady to pregnancy lady in one day. One day I am a woman who has been struggling with infertility for years with the possibility of never conceiving on my own. The next day I am a miraculous conception lady. Pregnant as pregnant can be. The past is almost erased in a flash. I try to keep myself centered, aware this could be taken away at any moment. Aware how unfair it is. How unfair that so many other ladies may never get to have what I have at this moment. Including feeling like I want to barf at all times of the day.


I have already noticed a change in my body. I have developed a fat pad under my belly. It is thick and jello like and not very attractive. Weird. It resembles Scruffee Boy's fat pad he has under his belly. A few years back Scruffee pick us to be his family. He lived under the house and slept on the front porch on our welcome mat. We fed him he came in the house and never left. He is such a nice boy and we can't imagine our life with out him. I kind of feel the same way now about our baby. I feel like we have taken in another stray. The baby is going to live in my uterus and when it is ready it will come in the house and never leave. We won't be able to imagine our life with out baby. I am always looking around for an animal that needs a home. This time a baby was looking for a family that needed a baby. I love you little baby.

First Heart Beat

Destry and I left work a little early to go to our first appointment with Dr. Leigh. As we sat in the exam room, me in my gown and Destry reading a book I could hear Dr. Leigh outside the door explaining to the nurse that I was her infertility patient and had endometriosis and I was pregnant! 


She came in and said how excited she was and asked if this happened with Letrozole? Ummm Noooo, not IVF either Dr. Leigh. We did this all by our self. I am so proud of my body. We had a quick exam with all the test that need to be done legally. Even though I have had all of them done recently already.


Then she explained we were going to do a vaginal ultra sound. This is what we were waiting for. This will tell us if we have a viable baby. Almost immediately I saw the dark yolk sack and then just like that I saw the little heart beating. I did not say anything. I let Dr. Leigh look around and show us herself. She slowed down and said "See that right there, that is the heart beat." Destry gasped a little and squeezed my hand real hard. He leaned over to get a better look and I new he had a tear in his eye.


She measured the sack (6.2 weeks) and heart beat (120 beats a minute). All normal. Looked around for a second baby. No second baby.


She left us so I could get dressed. Destry took the the print out of the ultra sound they gave us and tucked it in his book. Then he clutched it to his chest and hugged it. I gave him a wimpy kiss and he demanded a real heart felt kiss. I was in such shock. There is a real life baby with a heart beat growing inside me and I didn't have to do a thing.


We went to Dr. Leigh's office. We talked about my allergies a little bit and morning sickness. Which I am surprised I have been having already. Then we talked about genetic testing. Destry and I have decided to forgo Amniocentesis and CVS testing in favor of ultrasound and blood testing during my pregnancy. She gave the pro's and con's of just using blood testing since it is not a definitive answer. Blood testing gives you a percentage of risk. So she could tell us that we have a 1-400 chance of having a baby with down syndrome or a 1-4 chance of having a baby born with a disability. We are OK with that. This baby really wanted to be born to us. We will love and accept what ever we get.


The Dr. explained that we still have a 10% chance of miscarriage at this point, yet feels confident because I feel so awful. Yippy!


We are still cautiously optimistic for a positive outcome.


Due date 2-03-2013

They Say if You Just Relax.....

Well meaning people say it all the time. If you just stop thinking about it and relax you will get pregnant. I would fume a little every time someone would say that to me. It insinuates that you are doing something wrong. If you could just do everything right it would work this time, this month.

That is just what I have done. I have accepted that our lives together will be childless. I even see people with kids and sometimes think I am glad we aren't them. I am embracing the pending grandchild and super excited to have other peoples little babies in our lives. I am excited to be saving our money for our dream house. Planning my own little homestead with garden and maybe a bee hive. I put the baby names and baby room ideas in the archives and went for a hike.

So when cycle day 29 came around I didn't think any thing of it. I am cramping and tired and swallowing magnesium. Day 30, I am cramping and tired and swallowing magnesium, Day 31, I am cramping and tired and swallowing magnesium. Thinking I have been working too hard painting all weekend to get my cycle. 

Maybe I need a rest for it to kick start. Day 32, I go to work get some rest and think to myself I have never had a cycle longer than 31 days before. I am wondering if these herbs are causing a delayed cycle or maybe it is menopause. 

Day 33, I take a pregnancy test. I ask Destry to check it after three minutes while I jump in the shower. I have not even finished dropping the four drops of urine in the reservoir of my dollar store test when I see it. The second line!

 I grab my test as Destry announces he just set the alarm for three minutes and cry, "You don't have to wait". I am trying to show it to him and he is trying to get to some good light and maybe his reading glasses. We are hugging and I am crying and he is smiling and his eyes are sparking bright blue like they do when he is really happy. In shock I get in the shower and just shutter and cry. 

I can't figure out what is going on. How did this happen. I accuse my acupuncturist of being a witchy women. I call my OB and demand a same day appointment even though she is not in the office today. I compromise on an appointment two weeks out. My acupuncturist is surprised and tells me not to take my herbs. 

I am sitting here feeling just as I did last week and realize pregnancy does not feel like anything. Thinking about waiting three months to tell family is like torture. I am very proud of my body. After all the Letrozole and Clomid and IUI's my body decided to to it all by itself with my husbands two week old sperm. Against all odds I am cautiously optimistic. 

I call my sister to tell her. I chicken out. I promised Destry we would tell our family together. He can't wait to see everyone's face when we tell them and either can I. 

Feeling Good Take Three!

The true test of how my energy level is improving happened over the weekend. Angelica and Ray got the keys to their house. It is a cute two bedroom with a killer backyard and fantastic garage. I am so proud of them and so proud of how I was able to work all weekend with my cycle just a day or two away. I kept magnesium in my pocket and plenty of nettle tea. I just kept plugging along. 


My muscles were so sore from all the painting I was doing. I felt like a bat hanging upside down in those kitchen cabinets applying coat after coat of durable paint. Those cabinets are looking good if I do say so myself.


At my last appointment I canceled the following weeks appointment because Destry and I were going out of town. I received the cancellation email but did not look at it. Until I receive an appointment reminder. That is weird I thought, I cancelled that appointment. I look closer and realized that the wrong appointment got cancelled and this weeks appointment still stands. I don't think I will see her for two weeks now because she is all booked up for next week already. Darn


I had to stay home and send Destry off to Wyoming without me last minute. We came home to find our sweet boy cat had blood all over his face. He had a horrid abscess that we had not noticed until it burst. A late night trip to the emergency Hospital and a few hundred dollars later he is home and drunk. Falling over and running into things with his e-collar. We called around to try and find someone that would be wiling to take care of our convalescing boy but in the end we decided he needed to be home to recover and it was just not fair to inconvenience our friends and family in that way. Scruffee boy is feeling better. I just hope he decides to eat something soon.

Still Feeling Good!

With the weather warming and my blood moving we have been going up to the Butte everyday after work for a 3 mile hike. In the few weeks we have been hiking I have expected to see some weight loss. Though I feel better and am starting to see some muscles, that scale has not budged. Little Alice on the other hand is looking slim and trim. Good dog! 


I received a welcoming letter from the supervisor where I will be transferring to. I thought great, but I have not been formally informed where I will be going yet. Seems HR sent him a letter two weeks ago saying to expect me. I went over to meet him and the crew and get a look around. It is nice for everyone to be so welcoming. I feel so much better about this move now that I know I won't have to bump someone else out of a job. He was able to get a new position created just for me. This change is going to work out just fine. Then today I finally got my letter. July 1 I will start my new job. 

I have been drinking nettle tea for my allergies. I have been suffering with allergy symptoms for months. I think when I have the latex reaction after my surgery my body went into hyper sensitive mode. Any little fragrance or anything seems to bother me. I have been taking Claritin and Flonase forever now. I am really hoping that these treatments will strengthen my immunities so I will not be so snarfy all the time. The nettle tea works great as you are drinking it. If you are not drinking it, like at night you will get stuffy again. I noticed there is not a long lasting effect with it. So every morning I can't wait to get to drinking it again. So far I have not had a sore throat. I also feel a coolness in my face.

My last acupuncture treatment did not go as well as the others. She did some extra points on my face for allergy relief. She hit a nerve or something in my head that sent a shooter through my scull. That is not normal she said. That had some residual effects that caused my face to ache during the treatment. I lifted my arm to rub my face and the needle in my forearm caused my muscle to spasm. I lay there not very happy and not very relaxed. I had to calm myself down and breath through the awkwardness. I was finally able to relax a bit but was happy when she showed up to remove the needles. Then the good part. She had me roll over and showed me where to rub on my lower back to help relive cramping and pain. She gave me a little massage before inserting the needles. If felt amazing. Thumbs up all the way. I totally relaxed and even fell a sleep a little bit. I was a little light headed when it was time to go and gave myself a few minutes to come to before heading out the door.

Been Feeling Good!

I have had three acupuncture appointments since my last post. It feels like not much has been happening, the inspiration to blog about boring mundane stuff is just not there. With a little prodding from my beloved sister I will do my best to fill in the gaps. In fact as I read back a few post I realize quite a bit has been happening.

I finally picked up the Caster Oil Pack the the Dr. recommended I try. After realizing that the cheap Castor oil I picked up at the drug store was not the "right" stuff I went off the the Vitamin Shop and picked up some cold pressed Castor Oil. I saturated my flannel and made a mess of myself. I can say Castor Oil packs are delicious. I am in heaven. I can't wait to plop myself in bed with my hot water bottle on my abdomen and just relax. Did it help with the pain? I can say my pain feels the same. I little crampy before my cycle as always.

She told me I could take magnesium tablets when I start to feel cramping. Since my husband takes them for his blood pressure we already have them in the house. I found that if I took one every four hours it would control my cramping. I am thrilled that this works so well. The spasm in my neck has fully relaxed and I am even sleeping better. 


I found it interesting when she told me she suffered from painful periods in the past herself. Painful to the point she would end up in the emergency room. That is where I should have ended up a few times myself. The next time I saw her I asked if she ever was able to get control of her painful periods. She said yes... by doing acupuncture, herbs, magnesium and as soon as she went gluten free she had almost immediate relief. That has given me a little push to make my diet more of a priority in my treatment. Maybe I will give one of the recipes on Sundance Bakery Blog a try soon.

I got a fresh order of herbs in. I opened the box and thought "What is this"? Three huge bottles of herbs. I asked her about them. She explained it was one months worth of treatment. I thought that would last me three months for sure. I actually liked the new "blood mover" formula better. It taste and smelled like home. Earthy and like sage maybe. She thought that was good and that it meant it was probably a better formula for me.

I saw the Green Pastures was having a killer sale on the dreaded cod liver oil. I ordered up a couple bottle for each of us. I am getting pretty good at coating my cod spoon with honey and swallowing down the slimy slug with water. Every time I mention cod liver oil to my acupuncturist her eyes get a little shifty. I wonder if she gets a little enjoyment seeing if her patients are willing take this stuff.