It was confirmed today that my job position has been officially cut. Of all the the dozen or so position cut in our department mine is the only one not being relocated to an open vacancy in house. That mean I will have to bump someone else from their job and get to know new people and learn a new job in another location. It really stinks and I had a few tears. Deep inside I know that this is a good thing for me. I really think I will like working at a different bureau in the long run. This is something I probably would not have initiated on my own. Change is good and learning new skills is always good.
I had my co-worker drop me downtown for my acupuncture appointment. It is just minutes from work and I arrived a bit early. Changed into my yoga pants and settled in with a magazine. I like arriving early so I can relax a bit. I received an e-mail announcing her pending maternity leave and to schedule future appointment now as she was limiting her schedule soon. I was excited to congratulate her and found it funny when she said some of her long term patients had not noticed she was pregnant.
She said I better get pregnant before she goes on maternity leave. I puzzle over how to respond to those type of comments. I think I just raised an eyebrow and cocked my head a bit. If I had words for that particular body language I would say "Really? I don't feel like I can get pregnant." It is true. I don't feel like I can get pregnant.
When Destry and I decided to postpone the idea of IVF I gave myself a few days to grieve the little bit of hope it gave me. My heart told me over and over that it would not work the first time. It was a relief to not have to figure out how I was going to schedule treatments, medicated mood swings between holidays and summer vacations for a treatment I did not believe would work for me.
During my initial consultation the Dr. asked my over and over again about the side effects I felt while taking Clomid. I explained the darkness and the I hate everybodyness that I felt for weeks until one day it just lifted and I started to feel better. She explained that women with endometriosis tend to not react well with Clomid and she does not recommend it for endo patients. She confirmed my decision to never take that drug again. I was conflicted though. If I was to commit to IVF it is mandatory to do a Clomid challenge test. Even though I have already done one months ago. When I suggested that I was not going to do it, I was left feeling like that was not an option.
I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Now my hobbies include walking the dog, preparing homemade baked goods using whole real foods, planning my next trip to the farmers market and planning my next crochet projects for new grand babies and nieces. A welcome relief from strolling infertility blogs and urinating on ovulation predictor kits. My Baby? You may come and you may not, invasive treatment I will not.
My Dr. confided that she had a hard time conceiving her baby. Even though they did not need IVF they needed help. Chinese and Western medicine she said. I like that she confided with me. She found it ironic considering the profession she is in. I did too actually. I had imagined in my mind that she was a person who had not an irritable day, a period that last three days and not a cramp ever. Like Chinese medicine had made her an alien. I am so happy that her baby journey worked out for her. I am so glad to see she is human like the rest of us. I am so glad that I can take the pressure off myself and just find relief in some improvement and not grasp for a "cure".
Until next week I will drink the herbs, swallow the cod liver oil and drink the iron supplement. Then I will make Pie and Crisp. Because I have to eat my food cooked you know, including my fruit. I really see know other option than Pie yummy Pie.
I had my co-worker drop me downtown for my acupuncture appointment. It is just minutes from work and I arrived a bit early. Changed into my yoga pants and settled in with a magazine. I like arriving early so I can relax a bit. I received an e-mail announcing her pending maternity leave and to schedule future appointment now as she was limiting her schedule soon. I was excited to congratulate her and found it funny when she said some of her long term patients had not noticed she was pregnant.
She said I better get pregnant before she goes on maternity leave. I puzzle over how to respond to those type of comments. I think I just raised an eyebrow and cocked my head a bit. If I had words for that particular body language I would say "Really? I don't feel like I can get pregnant." It is true. I don't feel like I can get pregnant.
When Destry and I decided to postpone the idea of IVF I gave myself a few days to grieve the little bit of hope it gave me. My heart told me over and over that it would not work the first time. It was a relief to not have to figure out how I was going to schedule treatments, medicated mood swings between holidays and summer vacations for a treatment I did not believe would work for me.
During my initial consultation the Dr. asked my over and over again about the side effects I felt while taking Clomid. I explained the darkness and the I hate everybodyness that I felt for weeks until one day it just lifted and I started to feel better. She explained that women with endometriosis tend to not react well with Clomid and she does not recommend it for endo patients. She confirmed my decision to never take that drug again. I was conflicted though. If I was to commit to IVF it is mandatory to do a Clomid challenge test. Even though I have already done one months ago. When I suggested that I was not going to do it, I was left feeling like that was not an option.
I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Now my hobbies include walking the dog, preparing homemade baked goods using whole real foods, planning my next trip to the farmers market and planning my next crochet projects for new grand babies and nieces. A welcome relief from strolling infertility blogs and urinating on ovulation predictor kits. My Baby? You may come and you may not, invasive treatment I will not.
My Dr. confided that she had a hard time conceiving her baby. Even though they did not need IVF they needed help. Chinese and Western medicine she said. I like that she confided with me. She found it ironic considering the profession she is in. I did too actually. I had imagined in my mind that she was a person who had not an irritable day, a period that last three days and not a cramp ever. Like Chinese medicine had made her an alien. I am so happy that her baby journey worked out for her. I am so glad to see she is human like the rest of us. I am so glad that I can take the pressure off myself and just find relief in some improvement and not grasp for a "cure".
Until next week I will drink the herbs, swallow the cod liver oil and drink the iron supplement. Then I will make Pie and Crisp. Because I have to eat my food cooked you know, including my fruit. I really see know other option than Pie yummy Pie.
